Theresa Santoro

All children show aggression at one time or another. It is not the end of the world. The first time has nothing to do with your parenting skills. However, it is at the first offense that you must set the standard of what you expect. That is not to say that your child will become perfect and obedient, but they know that for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. Consider it an early lesson in Physics

In the young child, consider the following:

Is there marital discord in the house? Is this "normal" behavior in parents or siblings that the wee one is picking up on? In other words, is it part of your family culture? Does he have developmental issues such as speech development delays or ADHD (seek a licensed medical professional if you believe your child may be suffering from the latter)? Are you a permissive parent?

Is your life on go!, go!, go? Is their no down time? Too busy? Your little one might be tired! I am not talking sleep tired, but just tired. Needs quiet time.

No single method works for every parent or child in every situation. Before you offer consequences, consider the above, as well as possible ways you may be re-enforcing the behavior:

Had the outcome of his aggression met his goals? Did he get what he wanted? Is he in complete control? And finally, were there no consequences for his bad behavior in the past?

You might want to try the following for aggressive behavior:

First give a consequence warning for verbal abuse. If the aggression is violent, there is no warning. The consequence must be swift and without any guilt association on your part. Do not make the consequence violent. Violence begets violence.

Time out (not to be confused with Super Nanny's "Naughty" Spot) is a good start. Don't name call, and certainly don't spiral out of control with screaming. Calmly place the child in time out. When I put my children in time out, it is usually a spot I can see them. The staircase is a great spot in my house. It is so boring to sit on the stairs (careful on this one...I have been known to forget a very quiet child in time out! ). Keep the time relevant to age.

If the aggression does not stop, I add to the consequence. Time out, plus take away a favorite item or activity. Movie, game, toy, etc. It has to feel like he is missing something in order for the change to take place. Consequences should be a slightly uncomfortable in order for them to be effective.