Theresa Santoro

If You Choose To Work, Do Not Choose Guilt

Have you ever noticed how very fashionable it is for celebrities to talk about the tremendous guilt they feel as working mothers? Why? Who does that serve? Certainly not the children. Most über celebrities could retire today and live comfortably the rest of their lives. They go back to work, because they choose to. Why put guilt into the mix?

When a mother speaks often about the guilt she feels about working, she is sending a very mixed message to her child. We are trained to think of "guilt" as not good, so when a mother says "I feel so much guilt when I am away from the kids", your child will assume that she is a burden to you. Think about it. If she weren't here, you would not feel guilty about your happiness and fulfillment.

It is so important to teach our generation about the new family of today. Mom works, and Dad works. The at home Mom works as hard as the Mom outside. The mom outside has more juggling to do. Kids did not experience our youth, so they have no basis for comparison except for that which they see on old re-runs on TVland. Dad works guilt free most of the time. Mom should also have the same guilt free life.

I respect the choice mothers make when they choose to work full time outside the home. The deep dark secret that society won't speak of is that many mothers would rather be away at work then home with their children that are driving them nuts. I have heard this from many a working mom. My opinion is the reason the kids are driving them nuts, is that mom has taken them on so many guilt trips, that the kids have frequent flyer miles and know which buttons to push to fly the "guilt" plane! They can make a mother feel tremendous guilt by just a word, or a face, or the sulk.

I am going to give you just a few of the reasons why you should let go of guilt, and get on with your life.

A: The more guilt you feel, the more stressed you are. The more stressed you are, the more likely you are to die a young untimely death. Heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, just to name a few.

B: If you were working before your child was born and continued after they were born, then your child does not know you any other way. He has adapted to the life he was born into. Just like the magnificent children born in the jungles of Africa. They know no other life and happiness does not elude them. Children may envy a life they see on television or at a friends, but given the choice they will always choose what they have!

C: What positive benefits does guilt bring? None. The only time guilt has a positive benefit is if you are a criminal and the guilt causes you to confess.

D: There are not enough hours in the day to house guilt in your mind. Is your intention to be a good parent? Are you happy when you arrive home? Are you stressed to the breaking point? Are you angry and resentful? Let me help you to a guilt free lifestyle.