Theresa Santoro

Can you Spoil a Child With Love?

Q: I am confused. Can I spoil my child by loving him too much? I want them to have everything I didn't. I want for my child a perfect life. I don't think that is spoiling, I think that is love. I am not sure the difference.

A: I always try to teach my parents not to confuse love with indulgence. If by loving your child, you mean that you give them everything they could ever want, and keep them from falling ever, and indulging their every whim, then yes;You can spoil them by loving too much.

If every day you see your child you feel an overwhelming sense of pride, and love, then no; You cannot spoil a child with love. Loving your child more than you ever thought you could love someone is what God intended. You are not spoiling a child with love when:

I love my child so much, I let her fall off her bike while learning to ride. I encourage her to try again.

I love my child so much, I let her make mistakes on her homework and guide her in finding the mistake and allowing her to fix it. It would be easy for me to fix, but I love her so much, I want her to do the learning.

I love my child so much, that when she takes something that does not belong to her, I make her return it to its rightful owner and own up to her mistake.

I love my child so much, that when she gets in trouble at school, I listen to both sides of the story. I love her so much that if she is at fault, she has to own up and accept the consequence.

I love my child so much, that when she must have a special something, I let her wait until her birthday or Christmas to get it. I love her so much; I want her to know the feeling of anticipation; of wanting and waiting. I love her so much, I want to see the sheer joy on her face when her wish came true.

I love my child so much, that I will be here when she falls. I love her enough that she knows when I pick her up, that there will be consequences if she is wrong. I love her enough to go to bat for her if she was wronged.

I love my child so much, that I often tell her that she is a gift from God and I am the luckiest parent in the world. I love her so much, that I tell her everyday.

Those are some of my examples. If you do all of that in reverse, you probably are spoiling your child. And not with love.

Happy Parenting!