How Grandparents Can Be A Great Choice as Fulltime Caregivers to Your Chidren.
Theresa Santoro
In our society it was once commonplace to have grandma as childcare provider. Grandma was the ideal choice, and usually the most convenient, as she lived really near by, or even in the same home. Grandma rarely lives in the same home, but may still be the ideal choice for providing care to your child if she is willing and able. Many grandmothers comment on the joy they have raising grandchildren. They wished they had grandchildren first! It is important to not just assume that the grandparents will be willing to step in as full time providers. Seniors today are busier than ever and have active lives all their own. They are not obligated to baby-sit, and some grandparents simply do not want to raise their grandchildren. Be sure and ask. Do not just assume that they would be delighted and honored. Before a decision is made, all parties should meet and discuss pros and cons to such an arrangement.
Some things to consider when grandparents are the primary caregivers are: They are still your parents. How will you handle the crossover from child to adult parent who knows what is best for your own child?
The competitive resentment you might feel, when you realize that they actually know more than you ever thought they knew?
Grandpa thinks a swat on the behind is perfectly fine. You on the other hand have vowed to never swat your child. How will you handle this talk with grandpa?
Grandma wants to feed pastina at six weeks. You want to wait until six months to introduce solid food.
What was good for you when you were young may not be good for your child today. Research changes daily, especially when it comes to raising children. Actually, if you look back, it is amazing any of us survived!
Grandma does not like your views on parenting, and visa-versa. You both get defensive to your point of view. Can you meet half way and compromise when raising your child?
Will you be compensating your parents? Will the hours be clear cut?
Will they respect your decisions as a parent, or will they ignore you and do their own thing? Keep in mind, first and foremost they are grandparents. It is their job to spoil. Not to raise your children. As with any daycare provider, you are still the boss. Make sure your child responds to you as parent. Don't displace your position as parent.
It is important to not cross the line and take advantage of your parents. Just because they love and adore your children, does not mean they want to watch them every single day of the week, every hour of the day! I have seen parents plan big extravagant trips to far away places, because they know the grandparents will be there. They fail to ask when planning. It is assumed. They take advantage and make it difficult for the grandparents to say no. Often a grandparent will feel tremendous guilt for whatever reason, and not know how to say no. It is important that you remain sensitive to the needs of everyone involved.
If your parent(s) is providing care gratis, make sure you are gracious and grateful. How about setting aside some of the money you would have paid a provider, and send them on a thank you trip. Often times, the grandparents go unappreciated, because it was expected. In reality, they were only obligated to raise you. You are obligated to raise your children. Show graditude as often as possible.
Grandparents as caregivers is a priceless gift to your family. A lifetime memory the child will carry long into adulthood. If you have this opportunity, it can definitely be a win, win situation for all involved. Again, as with all day care, communication is key.
|
Testimonials
