Theresa Santoro

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson, from Return to Love.

As parents, sometimes we forget to be our child's greatest cheerleader and coach. We get caught up in the day-to-day monotony of life. Deadlines loom, bills pile, and life just seems to fly. Time seems short, and there is never enough of it. We often tell ourselves, that we will get to it tomorrow.

In the mind of a child, time is endless. Most kids don't even think of time. They speak in "remember when", or "I can't wait until"...

This fall marks a huge milestone in our family. Our eldest daughter begins her senior year of high school. To her, it was "forever". To us, it was a blink of the eye, and it seems that just yesterday she was born. She has her whole life ahead of her, and is anxious for it to begin. So now the pressure is on for us, her parents. Did we tell her all she needs to know? Did we prepare her for all of life's ups and downs? When did we teach her to tie her shoes? And it is at that moment, that I remember...

She is not leaving us forever. She is just growing up! She will still need us, need our advice, need our love, and need our support. She is part of the family unit, and shares our core values. She will branch out, but she won't be gone. I always wondered when she was a baby, how I would handle letting go. The time went faster than I thought it would, but in the deepest parts of my soul, I know it is time. Time for the first miracle of my life to go off to college.

I know the peace I feel in my heart is the gift God has given me. God has been with me every step of the way. Not in just the religious sense as a Catholic, but in the sense that we are all guided by a higher power. As I look back, it was the times that I let go, and let God, that I learned the most. When I tried to look too far into the future, it was God that had a way of shushing my fears and assuring me that all would be o.k. . "Trust in me" were the words whispered in my soul. "Believe in me, and I will give you peace". And sure enough, a calm comes over me every time.

Oh sure, I am human, and I lose my footing, and sometimes grapple with my faith. But then I remember my soul and spirit, and the gifts God bestows on me every single day. Without a doubt, the greatest gift is the gift of life. The gift of children. They come in all shapes and sizes, colors, and temperaments. When we are entrusted to the gift, we are then entrusted to give them our very best. But what is the best?

Is it the clothes, houses, cars, trips, or toys? The simple answer is "no", and we all know it. The greatest gift we give our children is the best of us. When we step outside of ourselves, and our own angst to raise up our child in God's light.

What does it take?

You have everything inside of you at this very moment. It is not about the religious you that shows up to your place of worship every week. It is about the good "you". The "you" outside of church. As the poem says... We all have special gifts and talents. Use them. We are all brilliant in the eyes of God, and we all have the potential to pass better on to our children.

How do I pass it on?

When the opportunity arises, whether it be in the car, or in the kitchen, or just hanging out... I tell my kids they are special. Smart or beautiful, or fantastic. I don't plan it, and I don't sit them down as if I were having a meeting. I just tell them. I also tell others. My kids see me walking the walk. I give to others as I give to my own family. I can't quote you bible and verse, and I don't preach. But I do make an effort to walk in God's light, because I do believe God is watching. When we teach our children that there is a power greater than us, than they build a conscience and hone into their "gut" instincts. They start to feel that God is with them, and they walk a stronger walk.

I have a friend with just one child. I wish you could see her interact with her daughter. This mother speaks to her daughter as if she can see into her soul. They can be in a crowd, and their connection to each other makes them as if they are the only two in the room. The relationship is deep and profound. This mother treats her daughter as a priceless gift with the deepest level of love and respect that I have ever seen.

Teach your child that every one of us has gifts. We all have purpose here on earth and that they should find their purpose, and follow their dreams. Young children have very simple dreams and wishes. Older children a little more. Children preparing to leave the nest have sophisticated thoughts and dreams, and it is us they turn to for re-assurance.

So... as Ariana prepares for her voyage into life, I am reminded of the tiny curly haired person with eyes the color of chocolate kisses, who wanted to grow up to be a dolphin trainer. When she shared that dream as a young child, we encouraged her. She received many gifts in the form of dolphins. She hung onto that dream for many years. Today, she is thinking about Astro-physics or Genetics. We still encourage her to dream, and we tell her that she will be great in whatever she chooses. After all...who are we to not allow her to be talented, brilliant, gorgeous, and fabulous? She was a gift from God. On loan to us to raise into a productive adult. I am starting to see the fruits of our labor ripen. She is better than I could have ever dreamed. God was right all along. God taught me to not look too far forward. The spirit of life taught me to look at today, and embrace the gift of life. The gifts each of our children open to us every single day. How lucky are we?

Happy Parenting!