Theresa Santoro

Some women are better mothers when they work outside of the home. They do not have a domestic bone in their body and feel better and more able when they work on the outside. Some women like me are for lack of a better term, domestic divas. We love everything domestic. Decorating, cooking, raising children. The Beaver Cleaver life. But I assure you; June Cleaver does not live here. Nope. She moved out long ago, and we now appear in living color. There are no pearls, stockings, or high heals or "wait until your father gets home kind of speeche". Mom is in charge and takes her career choice of mom at home, very seriously. We have never lived at a better time. We have the choices to do what is best for our family unit.

I have a dream that every stay at home mom feels empowered to go to any dinner party in town or at the White House and proudly state"I am a professional mother". In the eyes of God, we are all just mothers. We all have the choice. Make the choice that works for you. This is a non-partisan choice. Be proud of your choice. You are shaping the future whether at home, or at the office.

Something intrigues me. An observation in the many mothers I have met and spoke with over the years. Mothers who choose to work feel guilty. Mothers, who have to work, don't have time for guilt. Mothers who chose to work and lived with guilt tended to have children that broke more of the rules and experimented a bit more with their rebellion. Mothers who had no choice, whether it be meeting living expenses, or because they were divorced, or whatever the circumstances, tended to have children that behaved a bit better, were quicker to help at home, and be an active member in the family team. They treated their working mother with the same respect they gave their father.

Ideally, we want the mom who made the choice to work outside to feel secure in her decision. We want her to release the guilt. No one is more righteous than anyone else. We live in a free country. We have better choices than nearly any other country in the world. Let me just say here and now if you choose to work outside of the home, it is not a bad thing. You are not breaking any laws. You are contributing to the GNP, and because you made the choice, hopefully you are a happier better person for it. Hopefully you are a better mother.

Not all stay at home moms are created equal. A woman, who volunteers outside the home everyday of every week for the Junior League or the PTA, is not a stay at home mom. She is a working mother. Albeit for free, but she is not stay at home. Her agenda is full and she is often jam packed with phone calls to make, budgets to balance, meetings to schedule, etc. More than any salaried working mother, I have seen this mother let her family slide. Often embittered about all of the work she has to do for the sake of whatever club it is. I have seen these mothers taste a little power, and suddenly they want to head up everything. They are screaming at their children. Laundry goes undone. Dinner is take-out, and the husband is last on the list. These women forget the sisterhood and criticize the working mother. Eye of the beholder. The balance is different, but we are all the same. We are all professional mothers. What matters, is how we raise our children. Are we raising strong independent adults who contribute to society? Or are we raising self serving citizens who will act as children all of their lives. I say it doesn't matter which choice you made, to work or to stay home. Plenty of stay at home mothers have adult children living at home. Plenty of working mothers have adult children living at home. It is about the parenting, not the choice.