Theresa Santoro

It was really unfair that he died! Leslie often thought both to herself and out loud. Leslie was left alone to raise two teenagers that were far closer to their father then they ever were to her. She just wanted to get through her pain. Leslie had no desire to become closer. Her kids only served as a reminder of what she once had.

She tended to be indifferent to her children and often wished they would grow up much faster, so that she could somehow relate to them. Now that Paul was gone, and she was on her own as a parent, her indifferent style started to affect the children.

Because she was always rather narcasistic, Leslie's primary focus became that of finding a new provider for her family, and a husband to care for her. She often went out late and failed to check in with her children. Leslie did not require that they check in either, and was often annoyed if she were out and they disturbed her on her cell phone. Leslie felt that as teenagers, they could take care of themselves. She never took the time to check on their emotional well-being after the death of their father. She figured they had their whole lives ahead of them and that their father's death would have no lasting effects on them. They would eventually be o.k., but how would she survive? It never occured to her to think in reverse. The she would eventually be o.k., but the children would be forever without their father.

Leslie basically checked out of her parenting responsibilities. Any activities her kids participated in at school were done alone. No parent to cheer them on, homework was never checked and the kids had no accountability. Grades were never an issue with Leslie. Their future success in life was not something she troubled herself with. With no nurturing parent to care for them, both kids slid into a failing abyss. They turned to drugs, the wrong crowds, and promiscuity. Leslie never took action; because she felt her pain was deeper. She was totally disengaged in the parenting of her children.

Permissive-indifferent parenting can occur in many situations. I gave you an extreme example. It could be the ladder-climbing executive who has no time for his kids. The newly divorced single parent who is looking for a new mate, or it can be the stay at home mom who is ill equipped to parent. It can happen when parenting crosses the line to wanting to be-friend your child. Permissive-Indifferent parenting can happen in the two parent home where the parents are so involved in their own personal lives, that the children are left to handle life on their own too soon.

Are you passive and indifferent?